I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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