You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
