Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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