you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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