So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize