if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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