apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize