drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
