You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
