i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
