omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
You are a genius and a whore.
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