I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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