sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
