Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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