he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
