i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
