I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Threesome in a minivan. New low
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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