If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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