you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
