I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize