Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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