I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
