YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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