In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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