He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
