dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
