apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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