Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
