i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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