I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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