I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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