Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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