i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
