You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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