i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
