Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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