he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
