It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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