drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
