her vagine was all disorganized.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
My cat gives me a boner
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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