You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
