Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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