I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
