you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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