How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Randomize
