He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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