Yo dont text me then not text me
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
