found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
