After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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