so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
