Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
