PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
This baby is an asshole
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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