You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
