im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
