mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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