she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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