Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize