my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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