Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
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