the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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