i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
