There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
