You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize