She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
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