So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
