3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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