I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
