my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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