just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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