remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
