From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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