U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
So. Much. Porn.
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