As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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