I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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