If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
