i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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