Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I deserve this hangover.
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