there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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