from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
