Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize